Gwendolyn and Frances, Mother and Daughter

Before LA native, Frances Dent, retired from the Department of Justice and became her mother’s official caregiver, she lived much differently. In the last five years, her mother, 92-year-old Gwendolyn Ephriam, has declined from the progressive onset of Alzheimer’s Disease.

Dent says she saw a difference in her mother right before the COVID-19 pandemic. She noticed her putting things where they didn’t belong. Soon, Ephriam lost interest in her Sudoku puzzle books, telling Dent they weren’t hers. Then she began to wander off.

 Now, Dent must monitor Ephraim 24/7. Her mom’s day consists of taking laps around the den in her LA home, trying all the doors over and over.

“She goes in and out of the linen closet, trying to get out or get downstairs,” said Dent.

 Dent has devices on all doors in her home so Ephriam can’t escape. She spends the majority of her day monitoring her mom, ensuring she eats and doesn’t hurt herself; bearing witness as Ephriam forgets family, friends and parts of herself. Dent says she remembers the day her mother asked to have everything of hers removed from her room.

 “We had to take everything out because she said it wasn’t hers,” said Dent.

 So, with the help of family they removed all her belongings; perfumes, and knick knacks.

 Now Ephriam no longer remembers she was an accountant for decades. Dent recalls her mom doing all of their family and friends’ taxes, well into her 80’s, even volunteering to do taxes at her local Senior Center.

 When she asks Ephriam during the interview if she remembers doing other people’s taxes, her mom snaps that they should do their own taxes. She also doesn’t remember her time on the bowling league, playing women’s softball, volunteering with the Braille Institute or being the first black person to swim on her local swim team where she grew up in Detroit, Michigan.

 Dent says now her mother only remembers simple things, like she enjoys coffee in the morning and tea and cookies at night.

Dent learned the hard way her mother could no longer be left alone even for a short period. One morning she experienced all caregivers’ worst fear. Her mother disappeared.

 “I just needed to run to the store,” said Dent.

 It was Super Bowl Sunday and Dent needed last minute things. No one was available to watch her mother, but Ephriam was still asleep, and Dent knew she’d return quickly. When she returned her mother’s room was empty. Dent called family, frantically searched the house, yard and up and down the street.

 “I started crying,” said Dent, “I was terrified.”

 Dent would find her mother at the Library across the street, sitting on the stoop outside wearing someone else’s shoes.

 “She was only wearing her gown and she had fallen and was bleeding,” said Dent.

 Luckily, a homeless person sleeping in their car at the library, saw her mother fall. The strange shoes on Ephriam’s feet were theirs, and they sat with her until Dent arrived.

 “I was so grateful to that homeless person for taking care of her,” said Dent.

 Although family members and a caregiver visit when needed, most of Ephriam’s care falls to Dent. A couple of times a week someone sits with Ephriam giving her the chance to grab a golf game or grocery shop.

 Dent says she doesn’t mind taking care of her mom, but sometimes misses the simple things.

 “Like, I can’t just go home and take a nap,” said Dent, “I go home and go to work.”

 There’s no denying Dent’s life now revolves around Ephriam. Throughout the interview Dent interacts with her mother, deciphering her questions and constantly and calmly reminding her that she can’t get outside through the linen closet. 

 Dent says she’s learned to manage stress through her own process. She began reading, then attended support groups and seminars, even sharing their story.

 “I remember I sat up there in tears,” said Dent, “and (mom) had no idea who I was talking about.”

 As any Alzheimer’s family caregiver will tell you, it’s hard to watch someone you love to forget who you are. Dent has learned to adapt through patience, humor and remembering good times.

 “My heart is full to have had many heartfelt memories with mom,” said Dent.

 Now, Dent’s memories with her mother are made in the quiet moments of their day.

 “Good moments are when I get her ready for bed and we say a prayer and she will pull me to her for a hug and kiss,” said Dent. “ I walk away knowing this is my mom and this is why I do this.”

 To learn more about Alzheimer’s Disease or access resources for dementia patients and caregivers go to our website at whosgonnatakecareofme.org.

By Amber Cournoyer